Italy - the perfect holiday

We're back and a fantastic time was had by all. We hit Casa San Venanzo at about 15:30 Sunday afternoon after I miraculously found it from memory. This place is incredible, my father bought it almost six years ago but due to Italian bureaucracy and Italian builders and Italian weather and Italian architects it is only really properly finished now. My parents had a holiday there last year but it wasn't fully furnished then. Since, they've had people from a shop in Spain bring two lorry loads of furniture and completely interior design and dress it for them. The garden is almost finished and all the grass seed is going down next week. The first rental guests will be arriving in a month so we're hoping the industrial grade irrigation system does its job in time. This was a grand design project but I think it would have tested even Kevin McCloud's patience to the limit.

Anyway, we had a brilliant time and explored the various hill top villages, got invited into the neighbouring farmer's house for dinner and discovered all about their family via our gardener / interpretor, went to the coast, cooked enormous dinners and drank a worryingly amount of Verdicchio and Chianti. Just what we needed and even more so to block out any thoughts or worries about this week's upcoming appointment.

I'll do a full update about that before we go but for now, here are some holiday pics.

The ten best things about Jake

Just in case you thought this blog was simply my forum to moan about how hard parenthood is, I thought I'd list the things I love about our boy.

At 9 months old Jake is full of personality and is just so excited about everything. Not all the time, he winges and cries sometimes and gets tired and arsey but all babies do that. I feel like I'm arriving at a point where the good stuff is outweighing the bad; before the good stuff was compensation for the bad stuff but now the bad stuff is becoming insignificant because there's so much good stuff. I'm sure there's people who read this blog and can't understand why I write what I write about his not sleeping and the stuff I find difficult to handle. They probably think I should get over myself and realise that this is standard stuff and I shouldn't be writing a list of good things when it's all good. If nothing else, this blog has been 100% honest since the day I started it; from the feelings regarding the cleft and others' reaction to it, my annoyance at his sleeping habits, how I felt, how I wanted to feel and so on, so this is just a continuation of that. Why blog for effect, why say 'it's all gravy' of it's not?

I'm sure some people use their blogs to paint a perfect life, to further an agenda, to build an online persona, mine is just a diary of events, thoughts, feelings, hopes and a general mind dump. At first it was necessity to get it all out and whilst it's developed into much more than that, it still acts as an outlet. Up or down, I get to write things down which I may not articulate in any other way and I still find it useful for that. Also I enjoy it. English was the only subject I was ever any good at and I love language and a good sentence. I ramble too much and I know many of my sentences are too long, but I enjoy it all the same. At the time of writing this blog runs to around 38,000 words and most modern fiction novels are around 55,000 so there's clearly a lot of work and time gone into to writing it, especially given that it's fitted in around everything I have to do.

Anyway, I'll continue to be honest on here as I can't see the point in doing it any other way.

So, here are the ten best things about Jake.

1. His smile - This is number one, not just because it was the thing which we were concerned about most. More that I get the smile first thing in the morning, when I come home at lunch and before I put him to bed.
2. His laugh - Jake's always been a laugher. I equate laughter with happiness so the more he laughs the better. It's infectious too and I could listen to it all day.
3. Bedtime - Despite the yards of blog dedicated to moaning about his waking up, he does go to sleep like a very good little boy. I put him in his cot, turn on the mobile and he just stares up in wonder with a cheeky grin. He goes to bed happy which allows me to pour a glass of wine knowing he'll be asleep for the next 10 hours!
4. Bath - Jake LOVES his bath. I think most babies do but he get so exited about it and as I lift him in his legs go crazy like he's powering a cartoon car. Then he starts splashing and laughing and I get soaked. My favourite part of the day.
5. Noises - He makes some very cute noises which range from 'mamamama' to a happy shriek and they all provoke a proud dad reaction.
6. Clapping - This is the new favourite game. 'Jakey clap' and he claps. Our child is a genius. We're working on waving but he doesn't get it yet.
7. Determination - Even though I get annoyed every morning, I'm impressed how set he is on tweaking my nipple, grabbing my flesh or ripping out my armpit / chest hair. He doesn't understand 'no' yet but he will!
8. Him & Clare - The bond is awesome to see. No Dad will ever get quite the same relationship as a baby does with its mother.
9. How he makes me feel - Proud. A proper grown up. Validated.
10. Excited for the future - There's so many things I can't wait to do. Take him to play football, teach him to fish (once I've learnt), build a camp fire. It's going to be a lot of fun.

So there you have it. My boy in a list. Sorted.

Jealous, moi?

So, Mullet, our friend not on Facebook, let me know yesterday that baby Sadie slept so well the other night, that they had to wake her up at 8.30. She's 16 weeks old tomorrow and this sounds about right. So I shouldn't be jealous, this is normal beahviour. Baby comes along, makes a fuss for a few weeks, declares war on mum and dad and then decides they've had enough and sleeps all night. This is the way things should be. That same morning Jake woke up at 5.15am and finally fell asleep as I was leaving for work dragging my eye balls behind me. Bless.

The layout of the house in Italy is such that Clare and I will sleep in a room in the roof space, effectively the second floor, whilst Jake will sleep in a room on the ground floor. This room also has no windows yet due to Italian planning laws. The first advantage of this is that the room will be completely black from the second we shut the door to the second we open it, and the second is that there are two stories of masonery and soft furnishings between our room and his. This would be the perfect opportunity to practice the cruel-to-be-kind experiment. There are no neighbours BUT my sister and brother in law will be in the room on the floor below us and therefore above him. I'm hoping the construction is dense enough for him to cry and not wake them up. Either way, we might get a good kip just as long as we take the batteries out of the baby monitor!

I can't wait for this trip. The holiday to Spain was more of a field trip & learning experience for me. Or an endurance task. I mean, looking after a baby in the comfort of your own home is hard enough but we decided to pack the entire contents of our house, haul it across Europe and do it in a less convenient, more expensive location where the weather wasn't as good as we'd expected. That's a bit unfair but it wasn't a holiday like I remember. A good thing too, it was time I realised what travelling with a baby would be like and also a glimpse of what it will be like with a child (or children). I've always enjoyed watching families at airports getting stressed and arguing, airing their laundry in public, but now I know why they do it. Airports are way stressful places and children can be very, very annoying. Anyway, the point is that there are lots of us going on this trip and so we ought to be able to have a night out on our own once or maybe twice and there will be people on hand to help out in the day too if we need a hand. But most importantly, this is the first holiday we've had as a family for more than 10 years and there weren't any grand children then, so it has the makings of something really special. I can't wait!

The cleft palate repair

I was kind of putting this one off but it's looming. Jake's lip repair operation seems a long time ago now, back when he was still really small. Now he's got a full head of hair, happy standing up (with some help!), sort of cruising, eating loads and making 'mamamamamamama' sounds every day. This is much more like taking a little boy to have his tonsils out, only quite a bit more involved.

I must have read virtually everything the Internet has to say on clefts and their repairs but the science still does my head in. I'm a bit squeamish so anything anyone does to someone else's body in terms of making them better astounds me, I just couldn't do it. So, given that these people exist (and thank God they do), I'm just so impressed that they're so driven to doing it well and improving their skills and helping the medical community better understand in order to advance their area of expertise.

Just reading it makes my eyes hurt so please never give me a scalpel.

I researched the lip repair and because it's soft and malleable I kind of understand how they are able to unhook the bits which went in the wrong direction and sew them up but the palate repair operation seems a much more unlikely task.

I also worry that we don't know everything. Before the lip operation we were told about the success rates and how unlikely revisions would be but then we saw people in the hospital waiting for revision ops. I wonder if there is anything we should know but don't. I hope not. We're seeing Ann when we get back from holiday and she'll explain more about the process and I can hopefully blog it in plain English.

It sounds obvious but I hope it goes well, I hope he doesn't suffer too much and that the pain isn't unbearable. It is heart breaking to see anyone you love in pain let alone a 9 month old baby. He's going to have to wear gloves to stop him effectively unzipping the repair which has been know to happen. Gloves are a problem though as Jake learned how to take off his sleep mits about 10 minutes after he put them on! Apparently Gap socks secured with tape will do the trick. I can just imagine how much he's going to enjoy wearing socks on his hands in the middle of summer - talk about how to confuse someone.

So it seems further away than it is because we have a holiday to go on and enjoy before then but the second we get back it'll be our focus. He doesn't know anything about it obviously and all of a sudden we have to make that horrible journey back to hospital. I'm dreading seeing the 'why?' look in his little eyes when we have to leave in him the theatre room again but we'll have to be strong and we'll get through it because that's what people do. It's called 'manning up' or something. Personally I'd rather fast forward the next month (apart from the holiday) and wake up in the middle of July.

Here's a picture on the palate and what's going to happen to it. And if you're having trouble sleeping, this article on Craniofacial, Cleft Palate Repair is the number one organic search result when you Google 'cleft palate repair surgery'

Experiment

*yawns* we're trying something new, nothing kinky you understand, but in order to give us a chance of a lie in (yeah right) or rather a reasonable amount of sleep, we're changing things up a little.

As you're bored numb from all my lack-of-sleep entries, you'll know Jake goes to bed at 7pm after a wash and milk. This is the most consistent part of his life so far, never a whimper, he goes down without a fight every night. It's been a part of the day we cherish as it allows us to do normal stuff and gives Clare three or fours hours off.

Seeing as he's gone back to waking up at 4am every night, we've taken the measure of keeping him awake longer in the hope it'll put the same time back on at the other end. Last night was the first try and he went until 6am. Tonight is my shift (how I long for the old Friday nights) so I may very well try to keep him up until midnight!

Personally, I'd have him cry for an hour and half when he wakes up as I believe he'd quickly learn that milky time was a way off, but Clare worries about the neighbours and our sanity. It's a tricky call but everything's worth a try.

Will let you know how we get on.

We're off to visit Cosby baby boy number 2 on Sunday and are very much looking forward to it. No name as yet, but I hope to be able update the blog on that subject very soon. Today, Cosby senior?!