The dawn of a new era?

A very quick update. Jake slept from 7pm to 8am this morning!!!!!! I'm so excited, we were awake before he was. Could this be the beginning of the end, or rather the end of the beginning???

Sleep. Again.

Time was, when Jake waking up at 5.30 was a result. It meant we'd probably have had 7or so hours' sleep. Then, when he starting going the extra hour to 6.30, we were excitedly anticipating when he would add the last 30 minutes to make the perfect sleep and arrive at the holy grail of 7am.

As you may be gathering, this is (yet) another post moaning about Jake! Yes he's lovely, yes his smile makes us melt, yes, yes, yes, blah, blah, blah, Christ we're so tired...

When he's slept enough, he tends to eat well, nap well, be content and most importantly, sleep well. A happy circle if you will. When he gets up at 5.20am and won't go back to sleep his naps are out of sync, he spits his food out, generally has the arse all day and then sleeps until 5.20am the following morning. Not so happy.

He's definitely old enough for the controlled crying now. He knows exactly how to play us. When he wakes up and does his fake crying, he's bullshitting us. Problem is, it works. It's just not that easy to lie in bed listening to it, hoping on hope that he'll change his mind and just chill, when you know by getting him and putting him in our bed he'll be o.k. Or less arsey at least.

It didn't help that I had a bottle of rose to myself and didn't get into bed until midnight of course.

The food thing is frustrating and the cleft does have a little to do with it. We have to get the consistency just right: to runny and it comes out of his nose and too thick, it could get stuck. Clare's been weaning for over 2 months now and although some days are good, it's very difficult for him. The food makes him sneeze every meal time which sprays puree everywhere. Funny at first, not so much now.

Come June 18th the palate will be repaired and he will get suction for the first time in his life. This will mean he can drink from a normal bottle, use a Tommie Tippee and eat properly. All the things that others take for granted but this should make things a lot easier.

Sharing stories

So Mr. Moodie, who I told you about on a previous post, regularly updates his blog from stories picked up on the web and via Smile Train, the organisation he is involved in.

I will republish some of these here starting with this one about a little girl from the Philippines, who like Pinki, was poor, uneducated and ostracised from society until the Smile Train came along. Life affirming stuff.

The rain in Spain....

We're back! The first thing to report is that Jake was an angel, there and back. Both flights, not a whimper to be heard. I remember thinking that he must look quite cute in his pyjamas as I was carrying him through the plane - we were last on - but I'm sure everyone with a spare seat in spitting distance was thinking 'don't you dare'.

Glass half full, I'd describe the week as relaxing, warm and a welcome break. Half empty and it's more like frustrating, a bit boring and expensive.

It was kind of a week of two moods and two weather systems although not linked as you would imagine. The weather for the first 3 days was lovely, almost 22 degrees,a gentle breeze and I even managed a slight tan. Out of principle I went in the pool but it felt like diving into liquid nitrogen so got out immediately.

So while the weather was good, my temperament was less so. Firstly I was still wound up and full of work stress and secondly I was having to adjust to spending all day long with Jake, day after day. This was the longest period of time that I have done that. Even during my paternity leave, I had to come into work every second or third day and he slept most of the time then. I'm not after a medal here, I know he's my son and I should want to spend time with him, but it's a shock to the system. Clare, on the other hand, took it all in her stride as she's used to it. This is her life...everything's routine, even crying, screaming and random nappy explosions are routine. For me, anything unexpected equals stress and when you can't get away, as you are usually able to, it's hard to unwind.

This trip was always an experiment to give us the heads up on what to expect when we go to Italy in June and back to Spain in September. It's difficult though to not hanker after the experiences of previous trips now that you are unable to recreate them. We've been going to the villa for 13 years and it's my favourite place anywhere. Lovely weather, great views, wonderful food but the first part of this trip made me miss the old Spain. Not the most recent pre-Jake trips but the original Spain I remember: the Peseta one. When fags were a pound a packet and my lack of conscience / wife allowed me to smoke as many as I could. Where Bianca would wait on us at La Cucaracha, bringing tray after tray of Red Bull y vodkas and only charging us for half. Having horrendous hangovers which miraculously got better by lunch time and no cares in the world. Don't get me wrong, I was young and foolish then and have (almost) grown up now and my life is immeasurably better but suddenly Jake was in charge. In charge of everything we could and (more significantly) could not do. Whereas before, the most stressful part of the day was deciding which beach to go to, now we would have to wait until the morning nap was over, pack everything we took on holiday in the world's smallest hire car, then struggle through Jake's lunch and then, maybe go the beach and spend 2 hours holding him upright and trying to stop him eating the sand!

I'm sure anyone else who's been through the first holiday with baby experience will understand, but after having read through this, I'm not sure anyone else will.

The other issue was that our satellite system is archaic and I forgot to take a key component which would have given us a few channels to watch. Instead we watched Sky News, with their identical 15 minute bulletins, for the entire week. I did take a laptop with some films on it so we were able to turn the news off at night but some variety would have been welcome. Also Spain just got really expensive. The exchange rate meant that I got 25% less then 18 months ago and prices have gone up across the board too. Gone are the days where £300 got you a meal out every night and as much booze as you could drink.

Then, half way through the holiday the weather turned and ironically so did our mood. Clare sent me off for some 'me time' and I drove to Calpe to watch walkers climbing the Ifach and all of a sudden felt like I was on holiday. Even though the sunshine had gone, I was relaxed and feeling good. Jake's routine actually became enjoyable and I like to think he had fun on his first holiday and appreciated that Daddy and Mummy were there for the whole week.

Saturday was Clare's birthday and we had the most 'normal' holiday evening. We started at Algas, a cocktail bar with a view across the beach to the harbour and then onto the Olive Tree, our favourite restaurant. It was great to get out and even if Algas wasn't serving cocktails and my pint glass broke in my hand, soaking my jeans in beer, or having to juggle Jake and a thai green curry, it was just what we needed.

The weather never cheered up but it didn't matter and we had a lovely trip anyway. Aside from Sky News we watched a load of films and I read a great book, 'What Would Google Do?' by Jeff Jarvis. It's a brilliant book which tells the story of Google and their '10 things...' and how all businesses can and should adapt to the new online order. Adapt or die is the basic message. A lot of what's in the book resonated with me as I've been telling it to clients for years. It's good to be vindicated but I'd like to turn that into money. Smug and poor isn't the look I'm after! By comparison I remember writing here last June about the four books I read in Egypt. I think those days are over or at least numbered but actually I don't mind. I'm looking forward to when Jake nags me to build him another sand castle or buy him an ice cream or play bat and ball and THAT's when holidays will be great again.

Now, if you don't mind, there's 400 emails waiting to be deleted.

More teeth, (slightly) more sleep and the professor

Good morning. No, a great morning. Jake didn't wake up until 6.30am today. Life is so much better when that happens. Especially on the Friday before the Saturday you're going to see an away match which is the weekend before you go to Spain!

The last few weeks has been a real turning point. Jake's getting huge as he's on 3 meals a day but still hasn't dropped a bottle. He's not crawling but he is now consistently rolling over from back to front. He can't get back yet but he's half way there, the clever thing.

He's been restless and has had an upset stomach over the last few days but we discovered a new tooth which could explain it. As each tooth comes through I feel we're nearer a full pattern of sleep which is, I suppose, the holy grail. That said, if he sleeps until 6am + every day for ever that's o.k with me.

He's also a lot more fun now, really loves being upright, especially in his bouncer. He loves to bounce and I feel guilty to say that it makes me laugh when he's in it and starts crying but continues bouncing! He laughs almost on demand now and LOVES the bath. He lays there thrashing his legs up and down and making snow angel shapes with his arms. I get soaked every night but it's a lot of fun.

We went back to see Prof Haers on Tuesday and he was very pleased. I like to think that he would be honest and at the very least not say how pleased he was, if he wasn't. We have seen a couple of repairs where the nose didn't come out too well and we wondered what he'd have told the parents...then we worried that Jake's nose doesn't look to us like it looks to other people. Then we realised how paranoid we were being and pulled ourselves together. We're chuffed to bits with his nose (as the Prof was) and if anyone else sees it differently then that's up to them.

The Prof explained the next procedure which doesn't sound like much fun. They get his mouth open as wide as possible and using magnifiers, precision instruments and a steady hand break up the muscles in the edges of the exposed palate so that they can then be pulled into place and stitched together. Again, thank God for these people.

There are two unlikely but possible complications post op. The first could manifest itself in a matter of days and is, to an extent, the luck of the draw; this is when a hole, a fistula, appears in the repaired palate. A small fistula ought not to be a problem and in many cases would not mean further surgery. They would only look to close it up again if it were to cause social or psychological problems, i.e milk comes out of the nose at school or an overly nasal twang to speech. There's a 20% chance of a fistula and another 20% chance of having to have it repaired should it happen. That said, I'm done with percentages.

The other problem is that the new palate is too short or two long. Both cases can have speech implications and the chances are similar to a hole appearing.

Less common still is that as Jake's skull and face develops there could be jaw alignment issues. This is actually more common in people without clefts but it's when the lower jaw is less prominent than it should be. There was a boy in the waiting room who looked (to me) as if he was affected. Without sounding cruel, you could tell something was up and he'll need it dealt with for his own self confidence when he gets a bit older. The problem is with bone related operations is that the body needs to have stopped growing at its fastest rate before they happen which means that the child will have had the issue throughout the time when kids are at their most vindictive and predatory. I felt sorry for this boy and hope he isn't getting too much of a hard time.

We sat next to a couple with a 5 week old boy in the waiting room who, like us had had the heads up at the 20 week scan. Their baby was to be born with a bilateral cleft lip and potentially a cleft palate too. Bilateral cleft lips are a bit more shocking as they tend to go up both nostrils and look much messier. It sounds harsh but it's true. Although it was their second child, I can imagine they went through all the worry and heartache we did, only a bit worse because the cleft was supposedly going to be more severe. They needn't have worried as the clefts are literally like tiny snips in the front of the lip. Neither the gum line or top of the lip is affected and the palate is fine. It must have been the ultimate sense of relief. Going from thinking about a severe bilateral cleft, a minimum of two operations, speech therapy etc to having a lip repair which is not much more than a collagen injection. Good for them, they'll be fine.

So we're off on Jake's first foreign holiday. Off to sunny Spain which should be a great temperature for March, somewhere in the late 60s/ early 70s. I like it hotter but it's best for Jake that it's not crazy heat. We're going Tuesday to Tuesday so the airport and flight ought not to be too much of a hassle. If he cries for two hours then so be it. If anyone has a problem, I may have to remind them that a £60 Easyjet ticket doesn't come with a soundproof club seat and they might like to consider switching airlines if they don't like the sound of crying babies. How things change, I remember thinking 'shut that f^%$&*" baby up' on any number of flights before. Now I know!

We really need this trip, it's been 10 months since we went to Egypt and the walls have started to close in. Work, like many others at the moment is tricky, balancing staff expectations with clients' shrinking budgets is never much fun! That along with 6 months of broken sleep on the back of 5 months of anxiety means we need a break. Get your violins out if you want!

Post holiday report will follow.


He's getting big!