Peaks and troughs

4.30 am is a funny time of the day / night. I didn't think that the baby would have me up at this time before it was actually born! Once you're up though it's quite a nice time to be awake, I've always felt like I'm getting a headstart on everyone else and, if nothing else, it'll give me plenty of time to get ready for paintballing! Sleep deprivation was the one thing that worried most before we found out about the cleft(s) but now I realise how insignificant that's going to be in the grand scheme of things. It's always made me chuckle that even the toughest, hardened criminals get sleepy, even Phil Mitchell needs his sleep. The air at this time of the morning is lovely though, it has a different quality to it as if unpolluted by the day's activity. Also I can't believe how many cars I can hear on the road. Where is everyone going at this ungodly hour?

Yesterday afternoon we went back to Royal Surrey and had a second scan with another sonographer who was great and explained pretty much everything we'd already heard but she showed us in more detail on the scan. The cleft lip definitely goes through the gum but we won't know the extent of the cleft palate until the baby arrives. We do know that it's a right-sided complete unilateral cleft lip, not left-sided as the first lady reckoned. At the moment the cleft is 7.7mm and I love it to stay that size but it'll obviously get bigger. It's amazing what 24 hours does, I find myself looking at pictures of other peoples' kids, strangers' kids with clefts and I'm not wincing anymore, now I understand the condition. Ideally I'd like everyone I know (and everyone I don't but may come into contact with) to read up and do as much research so they're not shocked. I feel selfish that all I'm now really worried about is what other people with think, will they think our baby is a freak, will they stare and whisper, will I have to punch someone in the face? I'm sure that during the first few months there will certainly be some very tough times but I also know one look into our baby's eyes will put it right in a heartbeat. I think that the anticipation is likely to be much worse than the reality as we're only focussing on the negative right now and we seem to be forgetting that, despite the set back, we're having a gorgeous (natch) bundle of joy which is going to give us years of pleasure (and grief in all likelihood!).

We had a really nice evening, a few phone calls to various friends and family and yet more reassurance from the same website's gallery. We walked into town and had too much pizza, waddled home to watch Jonathan Ross and Clare fell asleep on the sofa; just like any normal Friday, but we went to sleep happy. As of now all is o.k with the world (apart from being awake at this ridiculous hour) and we're going to be fine.